Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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