hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
