I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
