We named our party play list daddy issues
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
