No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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