all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
