Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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