We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize