Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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