we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
