it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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