I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
