I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
