You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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