You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
