I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
