Duck Duck Cougar?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There's always time for handjobs
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
