i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
