Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
