I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
