I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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