apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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