I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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