You're my little dorito
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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