look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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