So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I supernannyed him into submission
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
