first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
