you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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