we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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