That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
