giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
