dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
