But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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