Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
