I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize