I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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