I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
