the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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