Kiss
Puke
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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