I puked a lego.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
