I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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