My room smells like vodka and shame
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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