One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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