Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
