I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
