It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
