I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
