my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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