i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
