Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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