Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
