he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
