I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
