I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
