it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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