Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
