Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm at about main and main street
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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