and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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