nut hugger
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
