He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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