yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
