My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
