she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
