Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
