The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
