i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
