Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
