I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
