i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
