Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
