what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
