we're chasing vodka with high fives
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
