I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
