At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so let's talk penis.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
