I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
