Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
