i was born a porn star she said
operation have a gay friend backfired
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
