very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize