She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize