Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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