apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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