How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
