Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
