I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
