i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
