in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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