I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
