hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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