i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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